It's late and I don't have time to do much but ask a few questions I had today and yesterday.
Are 93-year old kids going to sue? I've been listening to Christmas music - all day, every day - for about 2 weeks, and today is the 2nd day of December. There is a song that extends a Christmas wish to "kids from one to ninety-two" that I have heard 40 times a year, every year since I had ears. What about the kids who have yet to pass that miraculous milestone of being alive for one year? Are they being actively excluded, or is it just their bad luck that including their particular age would detract from the song?
Last week a guy sold me a unicorn egg, and then laughed at me and called me a mean name. Well, the joke's on him, because it just hatched and I'm pretty sure my unicorn is on its way to poke that guy's eyes out.
On a serious note, though... we are fast approaching another new year, and I've been thinking about my New Year's resolution, which has been the same for a lot of years now - in essence, "Shut My Pie Hole." I mean, there are probably a few reasons why I feel I constantly have to be running my goddamn mouth - sometimes I just talk because I'm nervous, and I don't stop. And the more I talk, the less sense I make. I can actually see the point of what I was saying slip away, retreating and finally disappearing, and still my mouth moves. Also (and this has been pointed out to me a lot over the years) I always have to try and sound smart. I've always hoped that playing trivia nationwide against a bunch of other trivial people would be a good outlet for that crap so I could just have normal conversations with people. But no: regardless of what topic you bring up, there is probably some obscure piece of pointless information that nobody gives a rip about, and yet I am compelled to share it with you. Sometimes I bore myself with my talking, which is incredible, because I am NEVER bored. You know that saying, which goes something like "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt?" I think that's a very clever saying, except that it was invented because of people like me. How depressing. So if by chance we spend this New Year's eve together, please remember to join me in a toast to Health, Happiness and Shutting the Hell Up!
In the morning I’ll still be here even though you’ll be ashamed And I’ll make you toast and clean up most of the problems I was blamed For causing even though I think you know it was your ex who came in drunk Who would’ve thunk so many words can rhyme with bunk and sunk and punk And so I roast the bread and toast the dead or should it be the other way around And have you found the precious earrings that fell out when you were on the ground So you’re awake and at the table and you see me in your stable So surprised that I was able to make a meal from the contents of your fridge And though I’ve cheated just a smidge by walking down the street to by some meat And cheese and eggs and milk and a fucking frying pan You start to wonder if I’m a man who can make some sense of your future tense Which has up to now been acknowledged in the past and I think, am I the last Decent guy to ever walk through this train wreck’s door? I sure hope so because she’s just what I need and I should ask for nothing more.
Hey gang! Three cheers for summer being ripped up and thrown away for a few months! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!
So summer's almost over, but today it was a hundred and some-odd degrees coming back from the dentist and I was thinking about some of the summer songs that I like. They were:
Summer Breeze - Seals & Crofts Suddenly Last Summer - The Motels Cruel Summer - Bananarama
So then when I got home I thought of some other summer songs, and even pulled some cds down to check for summer songs I might have forgotten. Came up with:
Summer Nights - Grease soundtrack That Summer - Garth Brooks Boys of Summer - Don Henley (The Ataris did a popular cover a few years ago) Summer in the City - the Lovin' Spoonful
So then I decided to search Youtube for other songs I had heard but couldn't remember and came up with some gems:
Summer Girls - LFO All Summer Long - Kid Rock In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
I'm going to post a few videos... What's your favorite summer song?
Now let's take a second... there may have never been a song, ever, EVER, worse than this. Listen to the verses. Jon Stewart would call this a Moment of Zen. None of the verses even have anything to do with summer. "Billy Shakespeare wrote a bunch of sonnets." Word.
"Blowin' through the jasmine in my mind..." 'Nuff said.
Now, I wanted to put a third video up but I don't know who deserves the honors. There's a Lego version of Summer Nights (from Grease) but I think I like the real peoples better. Who wants to play? There's a pretty good chance that this post will have no comments, like usual, but it would also be fun if people posted some fucking summer videos to entertain me! Right? And entertain you! And themselves! It's all a lot of fun. If you use Youtube, you just copy the "embed" line (if you're legally allowed to!) and then paste that in your comment. WHAM! It's a video! And NO Rick Astley videos! Okay, one.
And then it happens one day that you’re walking and talking to just yourself and you’re certainly not doing it for your health and you look around and don’t know where you are and someone stops and asks if you need a ride and no station offers the same kind of contemplation and you say “no, I’m really just looking for a destination but thanks” and you can tell by the look on his face that no matter how you both arrived at this place he’s just realized the only difference between him and you is that he’s in a car.
Yesterday I accidentally ran over my neighbor's dog, and the dog says "Hey Matt, watch where you're running, jackass!" I didn't even know that dog knew my name.
Tonight I made dip by putting Funyuns, mayonnaise and some other stuff in the blender. I was using the blender for my goldfish bowl at the time so I guess there's a little fish in it too. And a bigger fish. Oh, and a treasure chest.
And then you wake up on your lonely floor One shoe on, one under your ear And you’re not sure if the road maps on the door Can tell you how you got here
And you go to a bar where loud men discuss Sports scores that shouldn’t but somehow Do involve cussing That started decades ago.
And the next bar raises men That also cuss, and shout outright About which light beer is best and then You pick a side just to even the fight
And the next bar is actually a winery And you know you’re going too far And though you’re in your finest finery You’re still a little out of place
And at the next place they’re nineteen, maybe twenty And after one song on the jukebox You can see that there are plenty That want you to leave so you think about it
And then they make you and you’re glad You took a cab here because the good places Should be open soon and Why are you feeling sad When you could be having more fun with her?
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