Okay, Enough With The Poetry Already

Yesterday I accidentally ran over my neighbor's dog, and the dog says "Hey Matt, watch where you're running, jackass!" I didn't even know that dog knew my name.

Tonight I made dip by putting Funyuns, mayonnaise and some other stuff in the blender. I was using the blender for my goldfish bowl at the time so I guess there's a little fish in it too. And a bigger fish. Oh, and a treasure chest.