Forty miles home in the rain, and no snow to look forward to when I get there. Just rain.
I am jealous of my friends who have found their livelihood in places where they can experience four seasons - especially snow. Hell, I’m jealous of those who have one (a livelihood) or the other (snow). Both? What did I do wrong? What am I still doing wrong? I pass the exit that would have led me home… a riverfront cabin with a huge stack of firewood (cut, hauled, split and stacked by me) and the smells that you earn from that sort of thing. And the warmth, and the light from a glass-door stove and four well-placed candles and one of those old light bulbs that you really can’t buy anymore burning just above my head in the little kitchen.
Things are breaking inside. Two weeks ago I took a 14 hour train ride. It started at night, and we were allowed to bring our own booze onboard, and there was a lounge car and an observation car that were open all night and full of people from all over the country just talking and watching the night fly by. All I had to do when I reached my destination was stumble off – I had a ride and a couch to crash on and all day to recuperate. You know what I did? I sat in my fucking seat. Tried to sleep. I managed to – about 45 minutes at a time, waking up every hour for 15 minutes and trying to get comfortable again. I was glad when 6:45 came around and I could go to breakfast, where of course I sat with a cool old lady that I would have loved to talk to and a loudmouthed couple from Asshole, Pennsylvania that monopolized the entire meal talking about how uncomfortable their sleeper car was and how Obama was ruining ‘Murica. As cool old lady and I walked to the back to our coach seats, I thought about sitting down and asking her more about New Mexico (she was a native) but, like I said, my sociability is all gone. I took some pictures out the window, they looked like this:
Andrew and Matthew spent seven days and seven nights in intense fellowship with FSM. RAmen.
On the way back, I sat in my seat again and read Young and Revolting. And took the window seat after Flagstaff, at midnight on the biggest full moon in 20 years, so they say. Could’ve used a shot or two. Then it all got cloudy. Don’t it always?
post script
don't blame me for the poor ending to this post. It could have been much better if only you'd let me, tia rica.
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