Solving and Resolving

We're getting on to the end of another year, and tonight I decided on a new New Year's resolution. Usually all I want to do is learn to stop talking so much, or maybe just stop talking so much without even having to learn anything. That is still number one this year, as it seems like a good goal in that it's completely unattainable for me, so I can always have it.

Number Two this year is Stop Eating In My Car. It's tough for someone who drives 80 miles a day and tends to head home anywhere between 6:00 and 11:00, but the other night I was eating a Whopper Jr. (the 6th one of the week) and I got mayonnaise on my radio while I was shifting gears. Then a mess of ketchup and mayo came out of the sandwich onto the right leg of my new pants, and the pants were so dark that I couldn't see the globs. I was using all the napkins but it had come out in more of a spray than a drop, and pretty soon it was on the steering wheel and the gearshift, and then both hands and one ear. I ran out of napkins and I'm driving along the 10 thinking "Goddamn, when did I become such a fucking slob?" So I guess I'll just have to do a little more grocery shopping for things to keep at work, but I think it's doable. It might also take care of this little fast food indulgence I've been permitting myself, which is destroying my gut and making me feel more like a pinata than a person. It used to be that I'd put on ten pounds every November, like clockwork, and I always wrote it off to an evolutionary byproduct and didn't mind too much on account of the days where it would be sunny and beautiful and never got above thirty degrees. But I don't live there anymore, and while sixty can be occasionally chilly it's no reason to stock up on blubber. But mainly I don't want to end up sticking pickles in the cd player.